jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am available for nakedness
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
