Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
