Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
