I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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