Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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