Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
