After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
