Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
