This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Houston, we have a blender
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
