I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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