all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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