If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
did i just pee glitter
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
