my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
