Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
