We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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