the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
