Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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