Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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