I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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