break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
