i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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