I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
