If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
