She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
