You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
