There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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