That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
