Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
