we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
