I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
