I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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