Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
