I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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