3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
