Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
