I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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