So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
