Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i was born a porn star she said
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
