There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
