Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
