My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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