Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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