That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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