so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
