Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
