I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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