I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
