I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
