after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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