Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
