my mouth tastes like poor choices
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
