plz talk dirty to me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
