U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
